SICK OF THE SHIT

i just came in the house spenting some time with a guy this very guy that the moment i laided eyes on him i knew that i want to speand so goos hours fucking that shit out of him when i lock my eyes on him something is my core reves to life and i have never felt that with any one i was ever if and its fucking scary i have spent nights about how my ideal man would pleasure me and and i have found one just one and then this one comes alongh fuck my life will to the one that i mention i can not fuck you..... as much as i would want to but its not meant to happen i love this other man and i cant do that to him just the same way you did that to her i EVEN THOUGH THAT OTHER NIGGA NEEDS TO GET ON HIS SHIT I LOVE YOU NIGGA AND WHY CANT YOU SEE THAT I UNDERSTAND YOU HAVE TO BE TOUGHT IN THE HOOD BUT DAMN MOHTERFUCKER HOW CAN YOU SAY U LOVE ME BUT ONLY PICK UP THE PHONE TO COME AND FUCK YOU IM SORRY SWEETIE FUCK THAT SHIT IF YOU CANT COMITTE SUCKING SPILT

5 mons and counting

ok so adrian is five mons and i could have sworn i had him yesterday and that he was 7.4 and juust the little ball of wounder he still a wounder he has stollen my heart and i sware he can have it as long as likes i want to cry when i think about how lucky i am to have shuch a wounderfull son and to be blessed with him hes starting to eat baby food and rolling all over the place and say dadadada (trader but i still love him no matter what and this is going to be quite the aventure stay tuned

greiving?????

ok not many of you know someone close to me dies last week the day after there birthday the last time i got to see her was right before i had adrian and she never got to meet him so they put her to rest today how do you say good bye to someone you wernt ready to lose and how do you comfort the person that was wvwn closer to them (her son) hes hurting right now and i dont know how strong i can be for him when i can even be strong for my self

single mother ????

i love taking care of my son with all my heart when i look into his eys and he smiles at me theres nothing i could see in this wourls more than him theres no one i wouldnt want to be with more that him he is my world and i am his light and togeather we will rule the world





but...... there are those days that i wish i had someone else to come home to at night someone that would be there when i was stressed and needed a brake and someone that will be there to rub my back when i had a hard day now i know that this is the time that i need to be alone to know my son to set a good ground but there are those times that it just seems a little hopeless that i am ment to be a single mother for the rest of my life and my friens say of when its time to meet the one it will happen but im looking at it this way who is going to want to be the one f i have a kid who am i going to trust to be that man in my sons life and his farther is there but its like hes a dman kid him self i would rather free fall from a plan with out a shout then to deal with him and what man is going to want to put up with him as will with out wanting to kill him cause there are those time that i want to (i can dream cant i) so i ask my self if its up to fath when will i get a good care are there card

sept 24,2010

OK well its Friday and i know that i have to keep up with the writing so here we go


since my last my son is 4 Mons hes full of life and rolling over working on crawling we have moved to a place full of woman 17 to be more clear so its like the mo ocean and sometimes i want to hit dry land i looking for a job and i looking in to school


but that's not why I'm here I'm here to clear my mind and my soul i fells strung out all over and tired things dont seem to be all over the place and i don't know where to start or stop i feel like if i don't rush to do things that need to be done i wont get anywhere and nothing will get done and i will be fail again the last thing i need is to be that i want my son to be proud of me when he gets older

so really im blogging afain

really im blogging again i havent done this in a long time but here goes nothing im 23 and i just had my first child almost two months ago and let me tell you it is really something everyday is something new and you have to ask your self what the fuck sometimes but when i look in to her wounderfull eyes i know why he is here he is here to love me and to teach me how to love differently who would have thought i would learned to love gettine up atthe crack of dawn or making bottles or changing pampers or who woulh have know that the love for this lil one is strong i would kill if anything happened to himor to love him like i love my heartbeat or that i dont mind being pooped on or peed on im still getting use to the throw up but it all boils down to the matter of that i love him and even if he wasnted palned when is it the right time to have a baby i think when its ur time thats when it will happened but mothershood is a gift that only god can give
and i thank him for it